A quick fix
by
Michelle McCartney

Tom plumped down onto the lawn, his legs skewed at odd angles to his torso. He was a set of bagpipes lying on the village lawn.

Good, another show today! A bee hovered around a flower and seemed to be taking little sips of the dew sprinkled on the petals of a plump, juicy rose. it was a nice yellow flower, Tom's favourite colour.

He had that funny bubbly feeling again. Why did Mammy always want him to eat that horrible porridge? Cornflakes were so much better and the ad on the television said they were good for you too. How would grown-ups like if they were made to eat things they didn't like? He was sick and angry and sad all at once.He didn't like this feeling.

This was his thoughtful spot - just like Winnie the Pooh's. He came here when he needed to be alone - when no one understood him. He liked it here. There was always something new to see. Perhaps a nice fat snail or a ladybird or a tiny stone with pretty colours.He was a brave explorer in hottest Africa.

The bee made a soft sound almost like his father's drill only it didn't hurt his ears. His teacher, Mrs. Perry, said that without bees we wouldn't be able to live at all. Bees were very important. Tom couldn't remember why, because he forgot things easily or, was it that he couldn't listen too long? He wasn't sure which. All he knew was that this was a very special creature.

He wondered if the bee was 'special' like him. Did he dribble or spit when he tried to talk to his bee friends? When he landed on a flower did he totter on shaky legs? Did he have 'some wee thing' missing from his head that made the bee women shake their heads a lot and wonder what will become of him "after his Mammy and Daddy's day" like as if he couldn't understand their words? Was he often not able to make his bee family understand what he wanted? Were some bees even afraid of him when he grunted and made strange noises?

Tom thought of the people he'd seen the other day in the cafe looking across tables at one another and telling secrets. He remembered them tossing back their heads and laughing as they shared their words.Must be nice to do that. To be able to get out what he had inside his mouth. Worst of all was when his Mammy and Daddy couldn't understand him. That made him really, really mad. He was an enormous grizzly bear then!

The boy wondered what it would be like to be a bee. He could fly where he wanted and decide for himself what he wanted to eat. Maybe bees didn't need to talk but understood one another anyway. He wouldn't be 'special' then - just ordinary like the others. He felt that sinking feeling in his body and thought how he wasn't even as useful as this tiny wee bee. He couldn't be like his brother and sister and write sensible squiggles in his homework book or put up a shelf like his Daddy or cook a lovely chicken like his Mammy. Chicken was his favourite. When they had it for dinner he was a vulture tearing at a carcass.

He stared and stared at the insect. He closed his eyes. Tom could sense himself hovering over the red, yellow, and white flowers and being completely covered in their delicious smells. Remembering where they were among the border, he picked some lamb's lug leaves like a blind man. They were so soft and gentle against his cheek. Tom's eyes worked well; not like his sister Holly's. She had to have glasses on all day.

Eyes still clamped shut, he took a slow, deep breathe again. Thyme, lavender, stock and honeysuckle merged into one. The drone of the bee hypnotized him and his body seemed to rise and dip with it. he was free, no longer trapped in his awkward frame. The lad felt giddy and dizzy, like Uncle Harry last Christmas Day.

Suddenly, the peace was shattered by the sound of Tonto the cat spitting at the dog. He turned to look up the garden and caught his Mammy looking at him from the kitchen window. She had that nice look on her face - the warm and 'smiley' one. He didn't like the worried smile. It always made him feel sad. Bet if he went up to her now he'd get a big hug. A big 'cuddly buddly' one and a slobbery kiss. Yuck! He felt his mouth stretching into a great, big, broad beam. Tom was all fixed again.

He wondered if the bee was able to 'fix' himself like he could. Tom knew his heart wasn't 'special' because daddy had told him there was a JCB dumper load of love in it. There was no "wee thing" missing there.

Then it came to him like a flash. he'd go inside and go on the computer. They loved when he did clever things on the computer. Tom like when people said he was smart. It made him feel warm and 'glowy' inside. It made him feel important. As important as a bee. And later when Mammy was hoovering upstairs (she always did that on Mondays) he'd pour himself the biggest bowl of cornflakes ever!

He sprang up. He was a graceful gazelle bounding from a water hole to escape a fearsome lioness.

© Michelle McCartney 2008

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Michelle McCartney was born in Donegal and lives near Dungiven, Northern Ireland. She is interested in the way people 'bounce ' off one another in life - for better or worse.
Michelle has an Arts degree from UCD; but learned more about life through community work in Dublin, Derry and Donegal and in a current career of housewife and mother of three lively children.
A member of the Jane Ross Writing Group, Limavady, Michelle continues the journey of getting to know herself and others through writing.
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